There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
