please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
soo... how was my night?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
