WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
...so i touched it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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