I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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