shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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