after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
this just has baby written all over it
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
