and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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