I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
