I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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