how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the condom got lost in my hair
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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