Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
