fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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