But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I FOUND THE LEGS
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
