well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
