Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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