Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
