the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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