Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
