she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
