Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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