i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
