Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
