Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
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i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
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Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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