There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize