It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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