I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
