You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
