Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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