I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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