So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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