it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
