he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
