Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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