I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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