Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
