Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
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your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
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I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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