The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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