Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
