Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
