Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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