the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
