he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How does one acquire holy water?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
