Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
