Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
