i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
