my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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