It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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