sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
