It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
