We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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