glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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