I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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