this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
