Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
