I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize