woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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