dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
