I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
