The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
