Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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