Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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