So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
