I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
