I smell stomach acid.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Two words: nipple clamps
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